Caring and Responsibilty

The other day at Rhino trek, 11 of us had a discussion with the question: Which 3 people living or dead have influenced you the most. I think an obvious choice is our parents, but for the sake lof the discussion I chose 3 people who have moved me Tao the man I am. They were Father Gregory Boyle (google his book if you have note read it)Phil Williams, and Mary Bryant ( she is the young woman who died in a car accident whose dream we follow each June when we do service at Back Bahy Mision in MS). Tonight I am in Anaka staying at the parish Keith Fathers Martin and Thomas and 3 fantastic colleagues. Today I met a young man who might answer the question of the 3 people with John Magee, John Magee, and John Magee. What do you do with this? I care about this young man deeply. He has been a part of 4 or 5 of my summers in Uganda. I knew him in Gulu and then when I arrived at Pope Paul VI in 2010, he was going to school here as an S4 student. This young man did his best to show me his ability inside and outside of class, but he struggled with the S4 mathematics. I would see him at night and sometimess we would walk to the village and sometimes I was not able to, because I had commitments to others or my school work. There were probably also a few times where I was just too lazy or too selfish to spend time with my young friend. Because of a cheaper ride home, my 2 day stay in Amaka is ending earlier. I had a wonderful day seeing and listening to a wonderful head teacher and at least 17 teaching colleagues from Popavissa. My partner Lawrence had this student's phone number and also new that he worked at the new and only Petrol station in Anaka. I called him and he greeted me with excitement and joy. I could feel the width of his smile through the phone. We both wanted to see each other and made plans for me to go to the gas station at 4. I found out later that he was working until dark, so the choice of 4 made me curious, but not for long. I walked out of Popavissa and made a left turn, a few minutes later I was at the main road and stopped for a moment at the sign for the school. I am so proud of this schol and I remember Kelly Moneymaker and I walking this road 2 years ago to get a picture next to this sign. But this post is not about that day, I made a right on the road and continued to the Petrol Station. It has one pump that dispenses gas, diesel,and kerosene. I walked onto the station from the road and saw this boy,this man from a distance. He looked very smart in his PPP logo shirt and coveralls. He turned and saw me and walked towards me with open arms. He might have broken my back with his hug, but we settled on the international guy half hug, hand shake. He was still grinning as he went inside the office and brought out a padded chair for me to sit on. He smiled at me again and grabbed my shoulder as I reached out to shake his hand again. He went into get another chair for himself when he Realized he could be closer to me if he sat. As he went inside, and old man with a weathered face, moved from sitting next to his broken down truck to a place right behind us. I am not sure if he understood what was happening, but he wanted a seat closer to the attendant and the large white man. As he settled into his own chair, a motorcycle approached. I was going to encourage him to take care of his customer, but he and the man quickly began talking in Lwo. I soon realized that this man had a camera with him and he was aiming his camera at the both of us. It was now apparent that my young friend had called a photographer from Anaka to take a picture of this momentous occasion. We took a picture in ur chairs, and then He instructed the photographer to find another scene where he could take another picture. As the photographer left he said to me, "I have been asking Almighty God for 2 years for Him To send you back to me.". He the told me that I was responsible for who he was. And everything good in his life had come from me........................What do you do with that?.......................I think the Petrol Station is a good place for him. I talked to him about being a good worker and always being kind and courteous to his customers. We took some more pictures and he went back to work. I walked to Pope Paul VI and entreated the real Pope Paul to look after this one. I found out later that the walk or transport to his family's village does not happen after dark, so he rents a small room in town, but it is expensive for him (about $10 a month). He came to the Parish after his shift and was greeted warmly by both Fathers. .......... I guess in the end that is what I have chosen to do. I will love. It might be from afar, and I might not seem him for a couple of years or maybe again. But I am choosing love. I think that is what Father Boyle would do, Phil would hug him and soon the two would be laughing like old friends, and Mary would put him to work in Mississippi. .... And after reading this post, my mother and father will pray for him at Mass in St. Louis....maybe the next time I answer the question about the three people-- I will say his name Odong Collins Otika, because maybe he has been the one who has made me my best.....

Final Paragraph from My IC Reflections

The success with students is really not to be known. I hope I planted the seeds that will one day grow. I hope I have given wind to the sails of their dreams. I hope they have seen in me, a man that cares and a man that loves. I hope they never answer any question or problem with violence. I hope my example has been one that will be productive for them in their later life. I may never know if I had this success, but I do know one thing. I am a better teacher and a better man, but what I have learned from the students of Atanga SS. and Nerinx Hall and Loyola Academy and Saint Louis Priory School

IPod and Memories

Josh Franklin requested on the way to Entebbe airport that we play "Waving Flag" by K'naan. It was the World Cup theme song for 2010 and is a song we can play that both Ugandans and Americans will both smile and sing together. I grabbed my Ugandan flag out of the bag and let the air blowing through the bus, let it wave. Later, Caroline up front grabbed one end and all 13 of us were laughing, singing, and raising our fists. "When I get older, I will be stronger, They'll call me freedom just like da waving flag.". What a great time, and what a great memory that song evokes. As the four of us got off the bus after the airport, I had the feeling that I had left something behind. I started to think about going back on the bus, but just that quick it had pulled away. Four hours later as we sat done to wait for our transport back to Gulu, I went through everything in both bags and there was no iPod. Damn! I was mad at myself for not being more careful with an expensive possession that I enjoy. Thr black U2 iPod has been so much a part of some of my favorite memories in the last year. When I said I had lost it on Facebook, Jill Baranowski said, "Nooooooooooo" , because she had been a part of those memories singing at the top of her lungs going from place to place in Biloxi. At the same time I was kind of calm. I put an obituary for this thing on Facebook, and started to think how I would get those songs back---those memories. Sarah Williams had told me I should take a picture of Phil with me on this trip. it is something I intended to do, but in the time crunch of back to back trips, it never got done. As other teachers grabbed my iPod to play music, it was amazing how many times they played Golddigger. Also I heard "Golddigger" at the club, three times on this trip. (side note: when I first heard Golddigger, I thought they were saying "John Magee" instead of "friend in need". My students then sang me that song, singing my name over and over. Phil Williams heard they story, laughed, and proceeded to serenade me with a chorus or two every time he saw me, laughing and grinning every time). Apparently, I did not need the picture, it seems Phil and those wonderful memories have been here with me in Africa all of the time. Just now I remembered I found an American dime on the way. T the Acholi Inn in the second week. Every single time, I hear "The World's Greatest", 8 think of Stephone Cotton singing it in an Aim High talent show and the curtain opening and twenty fifth graders singing the chorus. "One" sung by Mary J. Blige and U 2 reminds me instantly about the many students who have touched my heart and made me laugh. All the great songs of Paddy O's in 2006 have been renamed with Cardinal highlights and each one is special. "Have Seen All Good People". Reminds me always of four big idiots driving through the Colorado mountains. Each of the hundreds of songs remind me of one of you. The iPod may be gone, but I will always have the memories, much like Miranda Lambert sings in "The House that Built Me.". Which is on my iPod and reminds me of Celia Marten and how much dads love their daughters. "If I could just come in, I'll swear I'll leave, won't take nothing but a memory from the house that built me. You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can. I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am." I think we all sometimes get lost in this whole world, and when we do maybe should just surround ourselves in memories. Long distance phone call to mom to get prayers to St. Anthony started. Three hours later, and I found my iPod in a story where three things had to happen, of course. I was ecstatic to get it back, but after writing this I just realized I did not need it. What it contains, I already have, and can only lose if I forget the house that built me.

Friendships

I saw a lot of good friends have a tough morning today. So many in this teacher group have invested so much into friendships and relationships with Ugandans they did not know 2 months ago. They were amazing in developing the kinship that Father Boyle talks about. They went to villages, ate meals, and soaked in the Acholi culture. There are several Ugandans who will never forget these Americans, my friends. And this experience for the Americans will be unforgettable, they have invested with their hearts and when we do that bonds tend to last. Friendships made brick by brick last forever, especially when we take the time to place each brick with so much care. Today as we gathered on the bus,there were hugs and many tears between our new friends. It gets more complicated as the American contingent is thrown together in close and accelerated friendships themselves. I would call several of my new teacher friends --close friends already. And now when we are broken hearted about leaving good Ugandans, we will in just two days also come to the realization that we are losing each other. I have been there before you clear customs at JFK and all of a sudden it is over. Because of time and distance it is inevitable that the closeness and greatness of many of these friendships will fade. But that last line is crap. It is what we tell each other when all of this could last if we cared enough to put the effort into working and loving the people in our lives. We jump into a new book or start working on our garden or countless other things that are far so less significant than these wonderful people that we let fall away. When I worked at Nerinx, I thought several of my colleagues were friends. Yet several of my friends still have not picked up a phone or even a Facebook mention to inquire about how I am doing. A year plus later and not a word. That hurt. As soon aa I write this sentence, I realize the inconsistency of my post. If these friendships mattered to me, why don't I do something myself to resurrect or renew these friendships. It is defintely on my agenda for when I get back. I told Josh and Sarah tonight that the one thing about this group that I will share is that I have been closer to who I think I am with this group. Isn't that what friends do? They revel and enjoy exactly who you are. So most of you reading this are family or friends, and as it gets close to midnight sitting in an outdoor bar perched 90 feet above the Nile, I promise to try better and love more ardently the things about you that I already love. And for this group of teachers who are now sleeping soundly in their beds, I am going to work had to make sure you stay in my life.....so sorry you have many,many, many, many bad jokes in your future.

Molly Milford -- Rock Star

I am collecting some letters from Ugandan students at Atanga SS. The main reason I am collecting them is the students of Atanga SS sent letters to Nerinx Hall last year, and they never got to the Nerinx students (sometimes, sometimes, sometimes). I heard from Alfred that not hearing back from these students was a real disappointment to Atanga students. Today I got to understand why, the wonderful girls of our Share Kindness trip sent wonderful cards to Atanga SS, and those girls will be getting a letter back. Rest assured I have more if you are interested. But in trying to make sure everyone was happy, I have a list of those Biloxi people combined with a Ugandan student or two. As the Atanga student returns a letter I take a picture of them, write down the photo number, and hopefully will deliver both a letter and picture to you people in St. Louis. As this process happens, often students gather in groups of ten or twelve surrounding me to see what is happening. Today, it was marvelous as they looked at the list. I do not know why, but a dozen were fixated on the name Molly Milford. There were all trying to say it and pronounce it, and it did not help that my handwriting was sloppy. Molly Milford was all of a sudden the Katy Perry of Atanga SS. She was their dream, and I would like to know what they thought Molly’s life was like, but they just stood their enamored with the name. Several of them were writing it on scraps of paper, as others were pronouncing it Mitford, Miltord, and finally I told them Milford. They repeated the name and giggled. They were this close to meeting their star and they now knew her name. They immediately looked down and one asked, “Sir, what can you tell us about this one, Hannah Graft.” (again my handwriting). I corrected them on the name and then quickly changed the subject as the next name was Pahic, and I did not want to even start on that one. ………….. Do you realize in many of the world’s eyes we are living the dream? We are the people they aspire to be. It is humbling, and should be humbling to all of us. But also their laughter makes me realize our common humanity and we are this close to being a part of each other’s lives. It just takes some effort to reach out and embrace all the people we share our world with. Rachel Hansen took the ties of her sweater and made a funny face after Mass in Jackson at the beginning of the June, and 40 different Ugandans looked at the picture to try to figure out its meaning. They were not too satisfied with my “she was just being silly”. {Oh my God, two great things just happened as I was interrupted by Isaac. One, I finally got to talk to Leonsyo, first time since Sunday, he has been concerned about me for 3 days. And Two, Alfred walked into the dark with the brother of Ronald Kwoyelo, and we have a 10 minute meeting set up for tomorrow. So much has happened, I have not even told you the story of seeing Ronald on Sunday.} So I just want to remind us all, the princesses and the rock stars of our world, that we have a calling to reach out and let those who dream about us, know that their dreams and aspirations are real also. One American cheering for One Ugandan or One Haitian or One Nicaraguan can change the life of someone. What happens to a dream deferred? Sometimes it is put back on track by the simplest of intentions, the simple kindness between Emily Mancuso and Ocwa Alfred Jackson, the hospitality that Mary Grace Barry gave to Okaali John, the letter you wrote…. The picture you shared. I hope someday to have a party where 40 of my favorite Ugandans meet 40 of my favorite Americans and Nina Zanaboni brings 40 people from Nicaragua and Caitlyn Weir knows half of them, and of course in the background Mrs. Fields and Hayley Hunter or sharing a quiet laugh, and Mrs. Nguyen has 8 students around her mesmerized by her simple smile and kindness. It all starts with kindness and then we progress, we discover that boundless compassion that stands in awe of the burdens the world has to carry not in judgment of how they carry them. (Aside to the Biloxi Girls, today I used the hand, this is the best thing you have ever done, etc….) To those of you who have exceeded my expectations, it is quite simple thing. Is it not? The best thing you have ever done in your life is to love. Go do it tomorrow, find someone to love. (And then click on the comment section and tell me about it.)

we have to condemn violence---always

“It is with a heavy heart and sadness in my voice, that I talk to you today…..”, began my words today as I addressed the entire student body of Atanga SS. When I arrived at Atanga today, I was not thinking this would be the blog post tonight. I was already to write Part III of journey to Pajuule, but then again things change. I still my write that, a lot of funny stuff, I still have not even gotten to. But………….. Because the Safari got in late last night, we spent the night in Gulu, and were prepared to come to Atanga by morning tea. I thought there was a lesson to teach after morning tea, but it turned out it was a Senior 4 lesson that is not happening due to their extended mock examinations. So what to do all day, it was sure to be a boring day with not much to do. I saw the students start to gather in the grass, and asked my partner teacher if I could listen. It was great, they were dividing all of the students in between the teachers, as the beginning of a mentoring program. I wish this wasn’t happening the last week, as it would have been fun to have had an Ugandan advisory group. Those students who were in my Advisory groups at Priory, Loyola, and Nerinx will always have an extra place in my heart. The names were read with some humor and the students groaned and laughed as each teacher was announced—pretty typical stuff. The teacher announcing it referred to his group as “my sons and daughters” and it looked like the whole thing was the planning and idea of my partner teacher, Okidi Polycarp. What a great thing, and done right could have a real influence on students who needed guidance in the village that sometimes struggles. After all the names were read, I saw a seat open up, but was not quick enough to get there, so I sat on a bench. The students were encouraged not to leave, because there was “a ceremony, some program to follow”. There were two village people at the ceremony in chairs to my left. When a teacher got up to speak, I took his chair next to these two as I feared the bench would break due to my size. The speeches to the students were often in Lwo, which is more common in this school, then schools in Gulu. I could tell that a couple of students were in trouble, but I did not know what for. There had been a meeting last week, where the school was trying to mediate with the village, some punishment for students who had stolen crops, and had been caught by the villagers. The student in front of me was instructed to lay on his belly full extended, and now I realized that just 15 feet from me, this student was going to be caned in front of the entire student body. The behavior of the student body was slightly troubling, as jokes made in Lwo, I assume at the expense of the thief, made them all laugh and smile. I was still hoping maybe this could be just an empty threat, but it was not to be. A female teacher placed 4 green rods about an ½ inch to an inch thick right near the boy. Speeches and words continued in Lwo to the students. The boy on the ground stared at me without expression, and I stared back not knowing what to do. The speeches were soon over, and a teacher and a friend picked through the sticks to find the right one, he hiked up the boys pants an inch or two to make sure they covered his waist, and dealt a hard blow to the boy’s buttocks. The uniform pants are thin, and the boy reacted in obvious pain, as the teacher, my friend, and a good teacher readied another blow. Each blow had two reactions from the student, a wince before it landed, and pain, crushing pain when it did. The assembled students reacted differently, but many laughed. Four blows were struck, and the student was instructed to move on. I had thought about just walking away, I felt since my chair was one of three right there, it felt like I was a Roman Emperor advocating the punishment. I wished I had stayed on the bench! I did not look at the reactions of the villagers, who it turned out were the parents of the two offenders. The mother of the one had said in Lwo, she was not strong enough to deliver the blows, so she wanted the teacher to do it. Another speech might have been made in Lwo, I do not know. I was trying to find a different place to go in my head. Another boy was led to the front of the seated assembly and also received 4 blows from the hand of my teacher and my friend. Another teacher got up and addressed the students about not engaging in behavior that would warrant these blows. Caning is supposed to be forbidden by the government, but it happens, and happens more in the village schools and villages. I had seen it before, but not in this public arena of shaming. The boy who was caned first was on his second or third caning from this offense. I then thought about reading Jonathan Kozol’s book and remembering his story about him being encouraged to pick out a paddle at the teacher supply store in the mid – 60’s. I thought about what Father Boyle has to say about violence and how it crushes the soul of the young. As there was a break in speeches, I asked the head teacher if I could address the students. I thought it was time to preach my beliefs. I did not know how the teachers and administration would react. I have tended to underestimate this reaction to my criticisms in my most recent past. He said yes. I was prepared to resign from Atanga, and leave the Invisible Children program if necessary. I did not want to be disrespectful to their culture or their efforts. But, I had to do something…………The students roared with laughter and approval, as I stood up, what better way to keep this carnival going then to hear from the giant American. I stood there silent for about 30 seconds, and told them I was waiting for quiet, and began, “It is with a heavy heart and sadness in my voice, that I talk to you today. I have loved Atanga SS, you students are amazing and the teachers and my colleagues are amazing. I have respect for all of you, and I hope my words are not disrespectful. I have enjoyed working with Invisible Children and its amazing program. ….. “ If might is right, and we allow violence to win, then love has no place in our world. And I believe in all of my teaching that love does have a place in our schools.” I went on to say more words, careful to use words to condemn the caning without condemning individuals or the culture. I said to the students, “When you laugh at the sorrow and the suffering of your classmates, I believe you have lost something important inside of yourself. I believe we have all lost something important.” I don’t remember what else I said other than my words were brief. In my language and my accent, my words may not have been understood by many of the students. The head teacher then talked in Lwo for 10 minutes or so. I later learned that he told the students that I was serious and my heart was broken by what I saw. He was disappointed that the misdeeds of these students had embarrassed the school. Then, the head teacher returned to English, and began thanking Isaac and me for our service to the school. He mentioned that we would be there until Thursday of this week, so I surmised that my words had not caused my dismissal. It was a strange juxtaposition, and another surprise. I talked to several teachers, and they understood I was not happy or agreed with the practice of caning. I talked to my friend and told him that all of my success as a teacher, had happened because my students know that I cared about them, and by being the hand of violence, it may hurt who he was as a teacher. Isaac and I were invited to Alfred’s for dinner and talked some more about the day. I know I am a strange man in a strange land, and to me to talk to the Ugandans about the hardships of violence was like …… well no words come, but I do not feel qualified to lecture when they have suffered so much by such brutality of the war for the last two decades. It was good to be in the small sitting room of my friend Alfred enjoying a meal cooked wonderfully by his wife. Watching him hug his youngest, and being very gentle with Mercy the small girl, I ended the night seeing love. And as I reflect on a couple of long days, I am going to pray tonight for both of the thieves that somewhere, somehow before the rainy season ends that they feel love from someone in a small village in northern Uganda called Lacekocot.

Going to Pajuule Part II

I AM WORRIED ABOUT LOSING MY WORK....go read part I first below -----------------------____________________________________________________________________ Okay so I had made the wrong choice of seats and was getting bounced around in the Ugandan night, but slowly we made progress and were soon at Lacekocot. Now maybe only an hour or so away, we kept getting closer and then in an attempt to avoid a pothole, Leoonsyo drove off the road and got stuck in thick mud on the side of the road. He tried to get out, but was unsuccessful, and in his final push the battery died. Leonsyo had talked about the expense of the battery when he had gotten in the car. The three of us pushed in different ways but did not have enough fire power to get it out of the mud. Leonsyo told Francis they would go find some people and they disappeared into the night. So there I was somewhere in between Acholibur (pronounce Acholi Boo) and Pajuule. By myself, I wondered where the lions were (this is a joke mom, there are no lions in Pajuule. The stars were out and it was a beautiful night, if you did not consider our predicament. I had not been able to eat any of my food, so I got the food out of the car and had a nice dinner on the hood by myself. I thought I kept hearing them return, but eventually they did. It was now 1240 about 40 minutes after we got stuck. I found out later that had gathered some boys from a school, but soon found a "bar" where the encourage the drinker to become our helpers. I had thought the 3 of us were close to getting it out, so I expected our replenished numbers to do the trick easily. I was wrong! We struggled and struggled, and were finally able to push it back about 5 feet. I wanted to keep pushing it back, but was overruled and we tried to push it forward to get it back on the road. We tried several times to start the car, the headlights were on! I really wanted Andy Bouerneuf there so he could bang on the solenoid valve and we would be off. I did bang on several things, but they did not work. Leonsyo was worried about the battery dying, but I told him no problem it was a brand new battery. He said no that he had bought a used battery! We started chopping down trees with the super hoe they use to do everything. We also used the Panga( a machete that was of course under my feet the entire trip) to chop off some shrubbery. We had many sticks under the tires, but to no avail. After each failed attempt that was a lot of conversation in Lwo that I, of course, did not understand. One of the helpers said, "Do not worry John, we are not going to let you sleep here." We decided rocks were needed to get under the wheels and all but 3 of us disappeared into the night to find rocks. Francis and one of the guys that stayed did an amazing job of digging out the entire road to make a track for the car. They came back with rocks and decided they were too big, so they chopped them into smaller rocks with the deft and strong swing of the hoe. Again no success! Somewhere in here I got a text message even though I most times could not get a signal. I was excited, help was texting. It was only later that I realized that anyone texting me could not help me. "Cards lose with walk off homer in the 10th" was the message from Dad. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!! It was now past 2 am and it had been since midnight when we slid and we had not seen 1 car on the road. We continued to work, but nothing and then wait a minute we were on the main part of the road. There was celebration but not by me, as I realized we would still have to pop start this car on the road. I do not think I had pop started a car since 1985 or later. If you do not know what pop starting a car is --- you push as hard as you can, you have to get some real speed up, and then the driver throws it into gear and hopefully the car starts without using the starter or the battery. We got it going pretty good, but Leonsyo failed twice, and then I realized we were pushing it uphill. Seriously, isn't God supposed to be watching out for his Priests. I decided although we could not get speed up we should still push it up the hill, so we could do something the other way. Guess what we were able to pop start it in reverse pushing the car down the hill. The engine roared, and everyone was happy, we were on our way. The 2 Ugandans took care of paying ur new friends while I finally got it my camera and started snapping photos. 3:10 am and we were a half hour or maybe a little more to the parish. We drove for only 10 minutes as Leonsyo slowed to a stop per Francis' instructions. I thought we had missed a turnoff, but that was not it. Francis had seen a rabbit, and We were stopping to go rabbit hunting!!!! We were going to kill the rabbit, kill the wabbit, with the panga. Leonsyo missed with the panga, and oh by the way..in his haste to make the car quiet had turned off the car, and oh yeah kind of slid off the road. We tried several times to get the car back on the roadbut to no avail. By the way, now three and a half hours since we had seen a car on this road. They talked about sleeping it the car, but I wanted to walk. I knew somewhere between 2 hours and 3 hours there was a bed for me. Leonsyo and I started walking and Francis stayed with the car. We started walking at 340 am and at 510 am, Leonsyo announced we were here. Except his definition of we are here differs greatly from mine, as we were in the city, but still had 30 more minutes to walk. I am getting tired of typing and the way home is also fun. So blah, blah, blah, we arrived at the parish and no one away awake to let us in. finally 10 minutes later, we were let in and I was shown my room.......to be continued