The Hardest Post I Have Written in 4 years..... with a Coda

This is a tough story, but it is a true story. You need to be ready for these words. So take a minute, and decide...


So today, I got up a little late. We had a great night last night with the teachers playing cards across the road, playing spoons with bottle caps. A whole group wanted to play cards, and a couple of teachers did not know trick games, so we played spoons which I had just learned in Mississippi with my Nerinx people. It was an amazingly spirited game, with a great group of people.

I told myself that I was going to get up for 10 am Mass at Gulu High, one of my favorite Ugandan experiences. But when I woke up, I was lazy and although I pride myself on always making Mass, today I did not... (5 hours later, I would regret this decision).

So I went into town with a great group, Kelley and I, Joe and Pablo, and later Mandy, Andy, and Julie joined later. We were at Kope Cafe, and a good breakfast, during the breakfast the power came on, and I realized I could get a hair cut........

I know now I am rambling, but I know the end of this story....and I am not sure I am ready to go there.

So many errands later, I got home in time for Group 2's visit to St. Jude's Orphanage. An amazing place, run by a great woman named Filda, and some amazing "moms" who each watch 8 to 10 kids. We took an Invisible Children vehicle, and I was able to get out first, because I was in the passenger seat up front. A few kids I recognized came up and said hi. And then a little one was walking up warily, and I beckoned him to come join me. He grabbed my index finger and my pinky, and I picked him up, and spun him around. He laughed and giggled and just wanted more....so much joy....

Then I saw another kid kicking a soccer ball toward Danielle, yelling "Munu, Munu.. He ran to the netball (kind of like basketball) and took a shot at the rim. He missed so I picked him up and got him close to the rim, but he still was not close.... It was starting to be such a great day, of little kids laughing and so much luaghter.

Then we heard, people yelling and saying stuff like a kid has fallen, and a kid fell in a well. I now remember chasing Tim and Smiles to the back of a building. They were about 8 to 10 of the older girls, doubled over crying and wailing. I could not discern right away what was happening....but an older Ugandan man was trying to put a metal ladder in a hole... The hole was made of concrete and square, and I could clearly see that the ladder could not fit in the hole. I thought I looked in the hole, but my perception was tragically wrong. It looked to me like the whole was 20 inches deep, and the child who had fallen might have crawled away from the opening.

After watching the man try to put this ladder into the hole, 4 or 5 times. I had enough. I still thought the child might be down a tunnel somewhere, and I was thinking if he could see a hand, he would crawl to it. I pushed the man out of the way, and laid on my belly, and reached into the hole. To my surprise and horror I realized that what I thought was the bottom of the hole, was just a bunch of stagnant water, full of shit, and sewage. Now reaching into this putrid water, I realized, there might be a child in it. I reached further and felt what first felt like a water soaked bag of bread or trash. I was about to toss it away to get deeper, when I felt the leg of a child, as I realized this, the child start to slip away from my grasp, I reached with my other hand, and pulled the child from this sewage. We put him on the ground, he was unconscious, and we started with chest compressions. Sewage and bile, and food stuff started coming out of his mouth. I started screaming that I do not know what to do, surely one of us was better trained than I!

Colleen was there soon, and I had my hand down the child's mouth pulling gunk and garbage out. She told me I had to go deeper, and she reached further than I pulling out more. We continued with chest compressions, and Colleen starting screaming, "How long has this kid been here?" "How long has he been in there?" The Ugandans started taking off of his soiled clothes, and trying to wash him as we tried feebly at more CPR. Min was now here, and she told me I had to breath into his mouth, but he seemed so fragile that I was afraid, I was going to break this young body. So I started trying to blow or breathe into his mouth, and then I would have to spit into the well, as everything around his mouth was full of food or crap or sewage, it was hard to tell, but I kept thinking that this kid could make it. I pushed back his eyelid, but as I stared into his eye, I realized I had no idea what I was looking for. I tried to get a neck pulse, but did not feel a pulse, but kind of thought I was doing it wrong.

We then started screaming, we need to get this kid to a hospital. "Can we take him to a hospital?" There was so much confusion, no one really knew what to do...and there was no answer. We finally decided we were taking him to the hospital, and a young mother from the orphanage, Colleen, Min, and I along with the child jumped into the back of the Range Rover. I remember Min telling me, we had to keep trying to resuscitate him on the way to the hospital. So as our driver, Cristof, did a superb job of moving with haste down a bumpy road, the 3 of us, tried to resuscitate him.... More sewage, and stuff was coming out of him, so Colleen and Min took turns, trying to breathe life into our young friend. They took turns also spitting out shit,(and that might be literal), that they had inhaled. I held his foot, and said Hail Marys as fast as I could. Cristof was honking constantly, and I could see people and cars jumping out of our way.

We got to Lacor Hospital, and I thought great we are here, and we had a chance. We were screaming at people, where is the Emergency Room, but there really was not a response from dozens of people. I do not know why? Was this tragedy, a too often occurance, or did 3 white people running through the hospital just shock and confuse people. The mother who was caring the child, ran out of energy and steam 100 yards into her sprint, so Colleen doubled back, and started carrying the lifeless child. We finally found a place, and a doctor. The doctor worked on the the child on the end of a bed, that already contained 2 children getting treatment, with their mother. In this small room, there were probably 7 beds, 10 moms, and maybe 14 children.

The doctors worked to find the right equipment and the right tools. They intubated him, and worked to clear his air passage.. At one time, they were going to use another machine, but it needed power and did not have the right power cord. I remember thinking, are you kidding me? My first experience with a hospital in a developing country, was not a good one. Too many people and not enough medicine and staff, but this is just the way it is. And I have talked to wonderful people who do their best at these hospitals. And I am not blaming anyone, but the first person who crabs about our health care system when I get home, I might punch them...

We had left our house at 2:01 pm, probably got to the orphanage, at 2:15, and it was still around 3 at this time...As I look back, I am amazed at how much happened in such a short time. I did not really look at the woman from the orphanage who got in the vehicle with us, and as I looked at a room of crying, concerned women, I did not even know who was with us... I was troubled by this lack of understanding and compassion by myself.

I then saw a tall woman, dressed in her Sunday Best with a head wrap to match her dress. I looked into her face, and recognized her as Filda, who runs St. Jude's. She is such an amazing woman, and she always remembers me and greets me warmly, each year I see her. I introduced myself, and she looked barely aware that I was talking to her. The doctors continued to resuscitate and try different stuff. Filda overcome with grief dropped to her knees, I thought she was praying, so I knelt alongside her, grabbed her hand and started saying Hail Marys, Colleen was soon next to me, holding my hand, and Min was next to her. Somewhere in here, I remember thinking about not going to Mass, and thinking I did not have time for God this morning...what makes me think he has time for me now? (I know this is not a good thought, but it is the one I had.)

I had seen this seen so many times on TV, this kid was going to cough twice, and start crying and we would all hug each other. That is when I noticed, the Doctor hooked his stethoscope onto the bed frame, and did not do it without a real urgency, and I knew. They tried different things, but I already knew. I went to Filda, and asked his name. She said Samuel, and said he was 2 and a half. The doctors stopped their efforts and looked at us and said, "We are sorry." I looked at my phone, for some reason I had to know the time. Sweet Baby Samuel had passed at 3:06 p.m. Filda reached over to the blanket he was on, and very gently and very lovingly started folding the blanket around him. Min cried to me, "John we have to pray, we have to pray before they take him away!"....I stumbled out some words, and said a Hail Mary...I remember saying "Godspeed, Samuel, Godspeed...."


This day, hit all of us so, so hard. The 11 or so that were there at St. Jude's and the other teachers that soon heard the awful news. So many of these wonderful teachers and friend, hugged, cried, and talked to each other... It was an odd, yet I guess later when I look back... a very faithful experience. I can't look back yet, not right now.... I have the very real tactile memory, of realizing, in this muck and crap, I had hold of a child's leg....I have so many memories, and I have the absolute regret of not pushing that stupid ladder away sooner, and getting into that hole....When I talk to the others, I tell them he was there too long, and despite our efforts the story was over before we stared our efforts, but for me......I want that time back so, so badly....I want that 2 minutes or 40 seconds or whatever it was that I felt I could have acted sooner....It will take awhile, and do not worry, I have great friends alongside me.....but I want it all back,......I want one more chance to save little Samuel.

I have now slept for 4 hours, and woke up to revisit this terribly sad story. I realize the last couple of sentences are too self-centered and I do not like them. This is not my story after all it is all of ours (the teachers), but most important this is Samuel's story....And right now, I am just real sad, and I can feel tears in my eyes for my young friend who I never saw play, I never saw laugh, and I never grabbed his hand and swung him around.

"Godspeed, little man, Sweet Dreams, little man"..